There is an ache in my heart that is unexplainable. Trying to put into words the role you played in my life seems to be the biggest challenge. You did not give birth to me in the way a mother does to her own child, but the birth of our relationship seems to have come from something similar.
Still, now, it is hard to find the words. I have come to realize that there may be no perfect words to put behind what we had. It was ever changing- growing and blossoming into something that can only be a bond between kindred spirits. The respect we felt for each other did not come easy, but from unconditional love.
I never dreamt of having a relationship with my mother in-law, but how absolutely refreshing to have found one. It was challenging along the way because it was a relationship, and relationships are challenging. We wanted it. So, we went with the ebb and flow of life and met every challenge in our relationship as a way to grow and change - to keep what we had alive and healthy. Ever changing, but always coming back to that place of knowing it was all going to be worth it in the end.
The end came way to soon... Just as I had begun my new life, your earth bound one was coming to an end. So, here I am now with your beautiful grandchildren at a loss. Loss of a friend, loss of a mother, loss of a confidant and the ultimate loss of a grandmother to these special beings, Sydney and Hannah.
I have begun to look around as if I will find this, what we had, in another being. If I continue to do this I may grow more distant from you. So, writing...writing will keep what we had alive. It will not bring you back, but it will keep you alive in my heart - which, is the place I know you will never leave, not ever. As long as I keep you alive there you will never have gone very far. In my heart is where we will always meet, again and again. Such a sacred place this heart of mine is.
Sarah
